Mirror

Mirror what lesson can you teach me? I do not pretend to know. I gaze into your perfect circle wondering why you have so much power over me. You are simply reflecting reality.

You don’t judge me, I judge myself. You just provide a reflection of “what is.” I am the one who criticizes. You are not my enemy, I am my own "mean girl." Will we ever become friends? Will I ever accept your view without judging and welcome your perspective?”

Someday when I look in the mirror I want to see only beauty, and have compassion for myself too, that is my goal.

Alarm Clock Wars

We have a projection alarm clock that searches “automagically” for the correct time, has different time zones settings, has a temperature sensor, and when in the correct mode (and all the planets are aligned) alternates flashing the time and temperature on our bedroom ceiling.

I keep the instruction manual in my nightstand drawer because of the numerous hours I have spent (I’m not exaggerating) trying to get it into the right mode, two taps on the SET button, then the MODE, the +, then hold down the SET button for three seconds and spin around chanting. I’d throw the darn thing away if I wasn’t so addicted to getting instantaneous information all night long on the time and temperature just by glancing up. I love that!

My engineer husband Bob just spent an hour before work on the stupid thing. Of course he reads the entire manual, I skim. He completely replaces all the batteries and plugs it into a new outlet and asks me which direction Fort Collins, Colorado is. We scratch our heads and figure its east and give the rebellious thing one more chance to find the signal.

According to Bob the signal comes in strongest at night because the ionospheric balance is best then, whatever that means. So I’m waiting AGAIN to see who is victorious, us or the alarm clock.

Lighten Up

I need to lighten up. Maybe it’s because I’m overly focused lately on creating my website business using photo affirmations, writing and thinking about writing, and planning and executing.

I’m starting to think that all this “present moment living” is peaceful, YES, but I’m drama-free, non-judgmental, open-minded, somewhat evolved and well a little bit bored. Perhaps I’m not so evolved:).

I have some fun time coming up, a vacation to Florida. I need a laugh out loud book for the beach. Got any ideas? In the meantime, send me jokes, make me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine and I am in desperate need of a dose.

Thank You Wayne Dyer

Thinking is sometimes like working a jigsaw puzzle, a piece goes here and there until a picture starts to appear. By midday, I had my picture, Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book Erroneous Zones was the original spark that lit my spirit fire so many years ago.

The glowing embers still radiating heat, dying down, flickering, but never going completely out, waiting in my unconscious, for a strong wind to fan their latent spark creating leaping flames. A New Earth was my strong wind.

Wayne Dyer was ahead of his time in 1976 when he wrote in Erroneous Zones “Choice and present-moment living will be stressed on almost every page of this book.” Present moment living “presence” is the key to “Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” in Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. It is something I will strive to achieve every day.

I had forgotten that I had started down this same path toward this same goal so many years ago. But I believe that we learn, and often times re-learn things for a reason.

Without the gift of Wayne Dyer’s early wisdom lighting my path, I may not have been ready to embrace the lessons of A New Earth and enjoy the rise to new heights that its strong winds offered. Thank you Wayne Dyer.

Origin of My Spark

I’m reading a book on creativity that suggests having notebooks and paper everywhere to jot down ideas. That way when inspiration comes, we are ready for it. I thought “great idea,” but did nothing.

Later while relaxing in a hot bath, a flash of brilliance, okay an idea, came to me and I wanted to write it down, but didn’t have any paper nearby. I decided to round up all my old journals and writing notebooks, there must have been 8-10 piled high on my bed, most barely used. I placed them all over the house, even in the car, ready to catch the next big idea.

I started glancing through and reading some previous entries and couldn’t believe my eyes. On May 11, 1979, in a journal titled “The Days of My Life,” I wrote about experiencing for the first time “living in the moment” and how I felt this total peace come over me that I fantasized was the peace that I’d feel at the time of my death “totally in the here and now” is how I described it and then I joked that “I didn’t even have to die to get it.”

Wow, I have been on this path since 1979! I am fascinated that I have been on this journey for twenty-nine years (almost to the day) and that I still value and pursue the same things in life.

May 11, 1979 was my first “present moment” experience and without this journal page, I would NEVER have remembered it. I vow, AGAIN to embrace journaling. Can you help me? Do you journal? Can you offer suggestions and ideas on developing a journaling habit so that I don't miss any insightful moments?

There are only three entries in “The Days of My Life” journal. Perhaps that’s where I will start. On page four I’ll write “May 12, 2008, I discovered the origin of my spark!”

Nudge Versus Push

Focusing on the present moment has revealed something about myself to me, that I can be pushy sometimes. It’s not that I wasn’t aware of this before, people have called me “blunt” (thanks Kate:)). But I’ve added a new dimension to my knowing, by feeling it.

So, I’m sorry if I ever pushed you when I meant to nudge you, unless you’re glad that I pushed you because you needed it, see what a slippery slope this is. I guess what I’m saying is if I say things that you don’t like or don’t agree with or aren’t ready to hear, blow it off. I never intend anything negative or judgmental, that’s just not what I'm about.

People do value me for giving my honest opinion, and I won’t stop doing that (not sure I can:)). But the good news is that I have become more aware that words are powerful tools and I want mine to encourage, uplift, and support my friends, family, and community.

Trial and Error

Fear of failure has stopped me more times that I’d like to admit. If I failed, I thought it diminished me. I didn't realize what a necessary part in life that trial and error played.

I gained some valuable insight on making mistakes in Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. He writes that being willing to make mistakes teaches us what doesn’t work, and that knowing what doesn’t work puts us one step closer to figuring out what does. Eckhart also writes about being “at ease with not knowing.” I find both concepts very freeing.

In the past, I’ve joked about embracing failure, trying to fail, which makes people laugh, but what I really want is to let go of my fear and take risks to achieve things.

I’ll start by using Eckhart’s ideas to reframe my thinking. Every few days I’ll ask myself “Caren, what did you do that didn’t work?” I’ll be very present and listen to my response. Then I’ll congratulate myself on knowing what doesn’t work and being one step closer to knowing what does.

Just writing all this down takes enormous pressure off of me. I don’t have to know all of the answers, all I have to do is to keep searching for them. I think I can handle that!