Too Much REAL in REALITY

The tragedy and devastation in Japan fills me with love, compassion, and concern for my fellow human travelers. It tugs on my heartstrings and clouds my eyes with tears that spring from my deepest reaches.

With life imitating a horrible disaster film, there’s too much REAL in my REALITY. How do we all quell our feelings of uncertainty and deeply abiding sadness?

We’re “can do” people. Give us a plan, something to do and we’ll happily execute. Fill sandbags, no problem, donate to charities offering aid, sure, anything to lessen our feelings of helplessness.

But today I feel paralyzed, my “can do” and my heart broken.

As I surrender to the tears, I see a news clip showing Japanese people gathered in a shelter preparing food together and helping each other. Doing things that feel “normal” they say gives them a sense of comfort.

Things won’t be “normal” in Japan or anywhere else for a long time. But what we "can do" is help each other and find comfort in the simple things of everyday life. We can share a blog, hold virtual hands and for a precious moment or two feel “normal” again.

Falling in Love with Yourself is FOREVER

Spend this Valentine’s Day falling in love with YOU. Our relationships with other people can only be as highly evolved as our relationship with ourselves. It’s like a bank account you’ve got to put love in to be able to take love out. So if you find yourself unattached this Valentine Day or even if you are attached consider taking Self-Love 101 at “YOU University” where YOU are the student and the teacher.


SELF-LOVE 101 - Ten surfire ways to master self-love.

1. Acknowledge Yourself - You’re perfect just the way you are right now – not ten pounds from now, not a new job from now, not a different anything from now. Explore, accept, and love the gift that you are just by being you.
   
2. Cast Off Old Tapes – You know the ones. The ones you’ve been hearing since childhood about who you are. Don’t let other people’s opinions define you. Train your mind and spirit to go beyond other people’s limitations.
   
3. Affirmations Work – Find one that encourages acceptance and self-love. Affirmations are like planting seeds. They don’t look like much in the beginning, but if you tend to them they soon grow and blossom. “I love and approve of myself just as I am” is a great one by Louise Hay.
   
4. Send Outdated Beliefs Packing - Your outward experience always reflects your beliefs about yourself. If you want to change the outside; you’ve got to start on the inside.
   
5. L.I.G. Let-It-Go – Forgive yourself for ALL your past transgressions. Like Dr. Phil says “If we knew better, we’d do better.” Wipe your slate clean. Nobody’s perfect. Compassion and forgiveness begins and ends with you.
   
6. Observes Don’t Judge – Judging and criticizing other people also means that we judge and criticize ourselves. That alone is a good reason to give it up. It’s wonderful when you don’t feel the need to label a thing as “good or bad, right or wrong.” When you observe, it just “is.”
   
7. Embrace Change – This version of yourself is not permanent and neither was the one you grew up with. You can change your thoughts about who you are and change who you are.
   
8. Learn & Grow – Look for opportunities to try new things. It makes you and life more interesting. If you’ve always loved a thing but have never tried it, what are you waiting for?
   
9. Breathe – It makes everything better. Relax and take a deep breath. On the inhale say to yourself “I am” and on the exhale say “loving.”
   
10. Practice, Practice, Practice – We think we learn something and then it’s over, “BAM” we know it. But we learn by doing, by repeating a thing, sometimes over and over and over and over.

Applaud your learning and give yourself an "A" just for taking the course. Loving yourself, respecting and appreciating you is the most powerful thing a person can do. When we fall in love with other people they can leave us, but when we fall in love with ourselves, IT'S FOREVER!

Renaissance

I rarely see the first light of day. I’m not against it, but my natural circadian rhythm wakes me at seven thirty when the sun has made her debut and is already ascending in the morning sky. On those rare days when I do occasion a glimpse of her first rise, I know I have witnessed something truly spectacular, a birth, a new beginning.

I am seeing my own sunrise right now. On the horizon her beauty greets me more brightly each day. She emerges wondrous and whole, a perfect arc arching forward. Her appearance not coincidental, designed, desired, and now required by me. Her presence arrives as beautifully as a bird’s melodic call filling my ears with joyful songs.

It is my calling, my soul’s reach. A hand offered a hand taken, pulling me out of my past into the present where all power lives to create my future. I have answered the call and I smile now, not for the world to see, but for me.

My Achilles HeaI

I’m good on my feet and now I’m good to my feet, but I wasn’t always. I took them for granted. I expected them to get me from point A to point B no questions asked, until the day they didn’t.

The day that I stepped on a far too tight muscle, once too often, and pain ensued. The day that with the pain came a message, a reminder of sorts about how a single part effects the whole. The day that the awareness hit me like a freight train that healing comes in its own time on its own schedule not mine.

Now, every day, I wake up slowly languishing in bed for a few moments connecting to my body and spirit, stretching lightly from head to toe, paying special attention to my feet.

I know they intend to support me, but now EVERY DAY I remind myself it’s a two-way street, I must support them, too.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2009 is

To stop over-achieving. It’s showing up in everything I do from writing an email to making food for parties. For some crazy reason, I seem to always “go the extra mile” and then one more for good measure. At times this can be good, but as an overall strategy for living, bad.

Sometimes, it is “the thought that counts.” I don’t have to type perfect emails or say perfect things or make the most creative dishes for EVERY party. Parties are about people not about perfect dishes and life is about connecting not about perfect wishes.

So, in 2009, I will “stop and smell the roses,” remember to enjoy being a gracious guest, and let other people lead me sometimes. I will replace my need to get everything right with an acceptance that I am all right, just the way I am. Ahhhh, that sounds really good to me right now.

You could say posting this on my blog before noon on New Year’s Day sparks of over-achieving, and I might have to agree with you. But hey, it’s day one and I’m going to cut myself a little slack. See it’s working already!

Unconditional Love

Rhonda Britten writes in her book Fearless Living about seeing the innocence in all people. I strive to incorporate this principle in my own life. We ALL try to do the best we can every day, and when we can stop imposing our expectations onto each other, we receive a wonderful gift, peace.

Today I was reminded of this lesson, the importance of seeing the innocence in everyone. The hidden benefit of practicing this philosophy is that you also get to experience the innocence in yourself. You learn to forgive your imperfections, applaud your growth, and practice giving yourself unconditional love.

HERSTORY

She is at war with the mirror. Like so many wars, it’s difficult to say with any certainty where it began. The first attacks were subtle inferences of lost youth, followed by more pointed attacks on certain features, leading to an all out assault.

She thought she had solved the problem by not looking at herself when she passed mirrors. But like most diversionary tactics, it only got her so far.

Herein lies the rub, she liked looking at herself. Her mother swore that as a child she never passed a mirror without gazing into it, making a face, winking, or leaning in for a better view. She was curious and always wanting to know what she looked like in her hat, making a face, crying, laughing, whatever she was doing, she wanted and needed to see it. Because seeing it made her feel real.

She can no longer stand not to feel real. She decides she must call a cease fire, reframe her thinking, and reclaim herself. As age leaves behind its mark, she chooses to stop averting her gaze and learns to celebrate her gifts.

She has a loving smile that extends comfort and support with its mere flash, any lines created there prove her success. She reveres the smallish lines at the corner of her eyes because they originate from smiling and are a product of her happy contented life. She grows to see the deeper crevices as signals of her determination and commitment. She wears them like badges of honor.

Her surrender brings her freedom. She becomes fearless and again looks at herself in every passing mirror. She celebrates her coming of age and her blossoming knowledge of herself and the world. She shines from the inside out revealing an ageless, timeless, inner beauty.

She breathes and savors the moment, not comparing herself to anything or anybody, simply enjoying what is.

An Okay Addiction

I don’t do CRAZY. I have a low tolerance for that nasty, sick feeling I get in the pit in my stomach from it. Mostly, I manage to keep my distance, but part of my extended family is, well, addicted to drama….so sometimes it creeps in.

After reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, I have a better understanding of what causes drama filled lives. Eckhart talks about the “pain body” made up of a person’s unresolved hurts and accumulated emotional pain that is carried around with them effecting their thoughts and actions throughout their life (and not for the good I might add).

They choose to surround themselves with people who feed their “pain bodies” thus continuing the negative cycle and creating more DRAMA! It looks crazy to the outside world, why would anyone over and over again choose something that causes so much pain and chaos. But for those operating with an active “pain body” it’s all they know and it reinforces their beliefs about themselves and the world.

Breaking the cycle is not easy. It takes an awareness, desire, and commitment to learning how to lead a more inspired life. I’ve spent years on my own personal journey, read books that taught me new ways of seeing the world, and experienced the joy that comes from truly knowing yourself, rewarded with a peaceful, contented heart.

My life changed dramatically (pun intended). You could say I’m addicted to feeling good and self-love and I would say “I think that’s an okay addiction!”

Feeling Good

This week Oprah had program featuring Louise Hay. I have been a fan of hers for years. Some of you may remember the year I gave everyone in my family her book Meditations to Heal Your Life for Christmas. I think I handed out fifteen copies.

I imagine many got a chuckle after receiving my gift, that crazy Caren. But I have been a strong believer in the power of affirmations and positive thinking for most of my adult life and wanted to share something that had the power to change your thinking.

I was not always a positive thinker. I worked hard to achieve it. It was a two steps forward one step backward journey, but eventually I got there.

Louise Hay has a movie You Can Heal Your Life. I have not seen it yet, but plan to order it from Amazon.com ($15.96). It features Wayne Dyer, too and if you read my earlier post, reading his books was very influential in my thinking and my life.

On Oprah, Louise Hay talked about how our primary intention in life is to feel good. She suggested that our food and our thoughts are two components that we can control to contribute to feeling good in life. I am all about feeling good.

So, if I send those I love a movie or another book, don’t feel I think that “YOU” need it, I think we can ALL benefit from it, myself included. I still own my copy of Meditations to Heal Your Life.

Personal transformations can begin with something as small as reading this post or Louise Hay or Wayne Dyer and can end with a more powerful, positive, YOU!

Finding Caren

I searched my entire life to discover “who I am.” Not the “who” everybody thinks I am, but the “who” that I know myself to be. Why is this question such a mystery to me? Do I really not know “who I am?”

I have chosen and played many roles in my life but the “real me” comes from a place deep inside myself where when I act from I feel perfectly aligned and my spirit soars.

I move effortlessly, joyfully not fighting my inner compass, letting its knowing wisdom guide my step. I relax and ride the gentle breezes that carry me in the direction of my heart. I celebrate myself by accepting and loving "who I am."

I found myself, see I'm right here.

Mirror

Mirror what lesson can you teach me? I do not pretend to know. I gaze into your perfect circle wondering why you have so much power over me. You are simply reflecting reality.

You don’t judge me, I judge myself. You just provide a reflection of “what is.” I am the one who criticizes. You are not my enemy, I am my own "mean girl." Will we ever become friends? Will I ever accept your view without judging and welcome your perspective?”

Someday when I look in the mirror I want to see only beauty, and have compassion for myself too, that is my goal.