Too Much REAL in REALITY

The tragedy and devastation in Japan fills me with love, compassion, and concern for my fellow human travelers. It tugs on my heartstrings and clouds my eyes with tears that spring from my deepest reaches.

With life imitating a horrible disaster film, there’s too much REAL in my REALITY. How do we all quell our feelings of uncertainty and deeply abiding sadness?

We’re “can do” people. Give us a plan, something to do and we’ll happily execute. Fill sandbags, no problem, donate to charities offering aid, sure, anything to lessen our feelings of helplessness.

But today I feel paralyzed, my “can do” and my heart broken.

As I surrender to the tears, I see a news clip showing Japanese people gathered in a shelter preparing food together and helping each other. Doing things that feel “normal” they say gives them a sense of comfort.

Things won’t be “normal” in Japan or anywhere else for a long time. But what we "can do" is help each other and find comfort in the simple things of everyday life. We can share a blog, hold virtual hands and for a precious moment or two feel “normal” again.

Renaissance

I rarely see the first light of day. I’m not against it, but my natural circadian rhythm wakes me at seven thirty when the sun has made her debut and is already ascending in the morning sky. On those rare days when I do occasion a glimpse of her first rise, I know I have witnessed something truly spectacular, a birth, a new beginning.

I am seeing my own sunrise right now. On the horizon her beauty greets me more brightly each day. She emerges wondrous and whole, a perfect arc arching forward. Her appearance not coincidental, designed, desired, and now required by me. Her presence arrives as beautifully as a bird’s melodic call filling my ears with joyful songs.

It is my calling, my soul’s reach. A hand offered a hand taken, pulling me out of my past into the present where all power lives to create my future. I have answered the call and I smile now, not for the world to see, but for me.

A DIFFERENT OF HO HO HO

Just as I’ve steel myself to resist store ads that create a need that before was not there, I find myself weakly resisting my need/want to be with our families for Christmas.

This is BIG I realize as I lay in bed a little tearful upon waking this morning. I’ve spent EVERY Christmas Day that I have been on this planet (57 years) in Ohio having dinner with my mother and Bob and I have spent EVERY Christmas Eve partying with his family for 30 years. THAT”S BIG!

Bob’s sinus surgery was the impetus. No matter how many times or who I asked (even the doctor right before surgery) the answer was always the same “no travel for three weeks.” So I guess they mean it!

I accept it and even embrace it as my opportunity to change and grow. I always encourage others to “dance that dance” now it is my turn. My life has changed a lot in 57 years but my traditions haven’t.

Matt is grown now living in Florida with his own family and wonderful in-laws that love him. We’re in California new grandparents to Sophia down in Florida with a second home there. I think it’s time to challenge our habits and examine our traditions to find the best way to fit EVERYONE we love in. It is as HARD as you can imagine it would be.

All you people in Ohio, don’t fear, I’m already missing you and the holiday isn’t even here yet. You ARE and always will be an important piece of my life. I love you! But creating a life and traditions with Matt, Sarah and Sophia are important to us now, too.

A treasured place in our hearts is not as good as a spot at the table for Christmas Dinner, I realize that, but some years it may have to do. It sounds so logical when I write it, BUT boy does it yank HARD on the heartstrings.

It may not be on the same days or nights that we have celebrated with you in the past, but I hope to see you sometime every Christmas season. This year a healthy Bob IS my Christmas Wish and the place I’m devoting all of my energy. My first California Christmas.....wonder what that will bring?