Start Something Stupid

We are taught to avoid doing anything stupid, to be careful, to think long and hard about things. I got the careful message loud and clear. I even hear myself saying it to my granddarling but mostly as she’s teetering on the arm of the sofa poised to fall. The “think long and hard” part stuck to me like super glue. I took it all to heart often turning my “don’t do anything stupid” into “don’t doing anything at all.”

The idea to “start something stupid” is a big deal for me and not just because my mother forbid us to say the word “stupid” in our house growning up. That’s funny, I meant growing up. It did feel more like growning up sometimes.  I’ll take a baby step and leave it n the interest of “starting something stupid”.

I didn’t come up with the START SOMETHING STUPID idea on my own. It sparked from a guest blog by Richie Norton on Jonathan Fields site http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/how-to-stop-waiting-and-start-living/ called Stop Waiting and Start Living that touched me in my deepest reaches.

His personal, moving, heart-filled, real-life story shares the important message we’ve all heard before and think we already know, that this moment is the only guarantee we have. But this time, I heard it in a new way!

The writing is insightful, chalked full of wisdom and personal truths, one that I couldn’t shake, one that followed me into my day and beyond, his last line START SOMETHING STUPID.

I emailed the blog to my husband Bob who had just pitched me an idea to buy a small property on the main drag here and start some kind of business. Problem was we couldn’t figure out a viable business that made sense for the property.

He immediately shot me an email back “wanna start something stupid?” With all the inspiring ideas in the blog post, we shared the same takeaway, touché Mr. Albers. This particular project probably isn’t our “something stupid,” but now we are on the prowl for what is.

Those three words “start something stupid” changed us. We see the world differently, through eyes open a little bit wider, looking for what purposeful, new adventure might be out there for us.

Heading out this morning, Bob pokes his head into my office and kisses me goodbye.  I say “have fun and don’t forget to start something stupid.” As the door closes, I hear him say “how stupid???” like it’s a challenge. I’m a little scared now!

Turn a Rut into a Groove

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the dimensions (Ellen Glasgow). You can get out of a rut but you can’t get out of a grave that is for sure. But changing a rut into a groove, now that’s a whole other animal.

Last year my husband and I were trying to decide whether to ship one of our cars to Florida where our son and his family live. On our longer visits rentals were very expensive but we we didn't want to increase our carbon footprint by buying a third car to keep down there (tree-hugger I know).

We weighed the pros and cons. Half the time my car sat in the garage and the other half I knew could plan more efficiently. Plus, I have a bike and legs that I have been meaning to use more.

This idea met with skepticism from our well-meaning friends and family who couldn’t imagine EVER being without a car. But it has worked out wonderfully and has even brought us closer together. In the year that we've been car sharing only a couple of conflicts occurred that were easily remedied.

Changing this rut into a groove brought unexpected benefits. When I want the car during the day, I chauffeur my husband the short three miles to work. My friend is encouraging me to get a cap!

In the car, we are present with each other and connect in a way that we hadn’t been after 30 years of marriage. We now plan our weeks together and engage more in each other’s days. One our short commute, we talk about our work, our days, our dreams and encourage and support each other.

The car thing may not work for everyone, but I encourage you to pick something that you’ve always done a certain way and turn it upside down. Play with changing some aspect of your life and I’ll bet you will find hidden benefits, too.

My new groove has me walking more and has brought us closer together and renewed our connection. It taught me that “LESS can be the new MORE!”

The Pearl

When did “present moment living” take up residence? I’m not certain. During the past two years it’s dropped in and visited. Unexpectedly at first, but a welcome surprise of unparalleled experience. It’s like the infatuation stage of love. Everything looks different, smells different, tastes different, colors shine brighter, meaning becomes obvious, street signs look foreign and new, the world opens before your eyes in a way it has never done before. Did I mention the peacefulness? Oh it is truly blissful I’ll even say “to die for.” Turns out you don’t have to.

I want it to stay forever when it comes, but like a rootless drifter it arrives and leaves on its own schedule. Eventually, I do start sensing its pending arrival. I notice the signs and start inviting it with my best “come hither” and am blessed with remarkable experiences of vividly amazing days that eventually grow into weeks. But still it continues to slip away in the night without so much as a post-it note. But now my unpredictable houseguest/friend has officially moved in and I couldn’t be happier, seriously, no seriously! Its presence is glaringly obvious this holiday season.

I no longer argue with the reality of “what is.” Bob had surgery. I’m not a hero or superhuman. Yes, I am brave and happy for that. But I don’t have to attach a story to it, I simply experience it, lived it, and it’s manageable. Just like not going home for Christmas. Several times, I have been tempted to attach a story to it like that “for fifty-seven years I've spent the holidays with my family” making it BIG. But when I'm present and experience it without a story, it’s not big or sad. It’s actually very peaceful. Like the oyster, I have rubbed up against enough sand that a metamorphosis has occurred and something beautiful has been created inside of me. I always thought acceptance involved the surrendering of your power. It turns out that it involves the surrendering of your stories and the acceptance of your power. “Who knew?

Renaissance

I rarely see the first light of day. I’m not against it, but my natural circadian rhythm wakes me at seven thirty when the sun has made her debut and is already ascending in the morning sky. On those rare days when I do occasion a glimpse of her first rise, I know I have witnessed something truly spectacular, a birth, a new beginning.

I am seeing my own sunrise right now. On the horizon her beauty greets me more brightly each day. She emerges wondrous and whole, a perfect arc arching forward. Her appearance not coincidental, designed, desired, and now required by me. Her presence arrives as beautifully as a bird’s melodic call filling my ears with joyful songs.

It is my calling, my soul’s reach. A hand offered a hand taken, pulling me out of my past into the present where all power lives to create my future. I have answered the call and I smile now, not for the world to see, but for me.

Surrender Is Not a Cinch

A part of what I am learning and writing about is surrende. Not surrender as in defeat, surrender as in acceptance of “what is.” Living without the expectation that things should be different than they are.

Some say that when you stop needing something you get it. That seems to cynical to me. I think that when you release your attachment to needing something, you may still want it, it often manifests.

Here’s an example. You’ll laugh when you realize that this is about Cinch glass cleaner. I have love, love, love this cleaner. The smell is so clean and it doesn’t streak and leaves countertops sparkling, need I say more.

Last winter the two stores where I buy it stopped carrying it and couldn't special order it for me.

So what did I do? I Googled searched it and found it was available but only to large janitorial supply customers. So I forgot about it for a while, but like a pesky itch, I knew that I would eventually scratch it again.

This week I could resist no longer. Again I Googled it. This time I found it from an online retailer but the shipping costs were more than the product. I have an aversion to that, so I bailed. I decided that I was delaying the inevitable, I surrendered.

But didn't completely give up. I found a website that told me that the main ingredient in Cinch was (Isopropanol a.k.a alcohol) and they listed a glass cleaner with Isopropanol in it.

With the surrender to my obsession with Cinch behind me, the hunt was on for the new similar formula product. Some might say this was a replaced obsession, and they could be right. After searching in five different stores, I began to doubt this product’s existence. I decide to check one more store before surrendering completely.

I scan the shelves, no sighting of the new product, damn. I turn to leave and the heavens open and choirs of angels sing and out of the corner of my eye glowing on the bottom shelf I SEE CINCH! I am so excited you would think I’d won the lottery. This orange trophy is more valuable to me than an Academy Award. I buy all the bottles I can carry (four).

I need to practice this surrender thing. My Cinch quest lasted six months, that’s a long time to devote to a glass cleaner, but in my defense it isn’t just ANY glass cleaner.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2009 is

To stop over-achieving. It’s showing up in everything I do from writing an email to making food for parties. For some crazy reason, I seem to always “go the extra mile” and then one more for good measure. At times this can be good, but as an overall strategy for living, bad.

Sometimes, it is “the thought that counts.” I don’t have to type perfect emails or say perfect things or make the most creative dishes for EVERY party. Parties are about people not about perfect dishes and life is about connecting not about perfect wishes.

So, in 2009, I will “stop and smell the roses,” remember to enjoy being a gracious guest, and let other people lead me sometimes. I will replace my need to get everything right with an acceptance that I am all right, just the way I am. Ahhhh, that sounds really good to me right now.

You could say posting this on my blog before noon on New Year’s Day sparks of over-achieving, and I might have to agree with you. But hey, it’s day one and I’m going to cut myself a little slack. See it’s working already!

Instrumental

A friend said to me “when you returned from FL last winter you had a clarity about yourself and your writing” (or something to that effect). I say “something to the effect” because we ALL hear and remember things through our own filters and I have carried this thought around with me for some time considering it.

I was trying to understand and reconcile why I didn’t always operate from that space of clarity gained through discovering “stillness” in Florida.

I rationalized that everyday life calls for all kinds of energy and intensity to achieve goals. But that didn’t quite fit for me. Today, I found my answer. People often describe life by saying you "take two steps forward one step backward." I describe life as as a circle of three steps, "learn, practice, rest." The steps are not always linear, and all three are equally important.

You don’t pick up a violin and play beautiful music immediately, you learn, you practice and then eventually most times when you pick up the instrument you hear a beautiful song.

I AM MY INSTRUMENT. I am learning, practicing, or resting all the time. The more practiced I become, the more beautiful my spirit song, and the closer I get to rediscovering that place of stillness and clarity deep inside me.

Wake Up Playful Side

There’s a saying that hangs by the door that leads from my garage into my house. It reads “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” I wholly subscribe to this. I WORK hard to get PLAY into every day.

Today, after a couple of glasses of wine, I say to Bob “Let’s go over and look at the neighbor’s hole” (they’re putting in a swimming pool and the concrete was poured today). It took a little coaxing because Bob has to be encouraged to PLAY, but he agreed and we walked over and peered into their backyard.

Walking back I noticed a woman sitting in a chair on the bike/walking path beside our house. I wanted to go up and ask her why she was sitting in a chair on the bike/walking path but Bob pooh-poohed that, which usually makes me want to do it more, but this time I said “okay, let’s just lay in the grass in our front yard and watch her.” So we did.

On closer inspection it looked like she was pregnant and probably just resting, interesting to carry your own chair, you don’t see that every day. Bob and I continued to lay in the grass enjoying feeling its softness underneath us and admiring how the powder blue sky was providing a perfect backdrop for the Chartreuse leaves.

Bob and I agree that it's has been far too long since we laid in the grass looking up at the vastness of the sky, feeling the earth supporting us. I make a mental note to WORK harder at getting more PLAY in our lives.

Tag your it! Play with me. Tell me something you loved doing as a child, red light green light, hide & seek, catching lightning bugs????

Old Dog

My husband and I find ourselves discussing how insane it is that people feel the need to be available 24/7. I remember back when the Xerox repairman and doctors were the ONLY people who carried pagers.

Bob remarks that he tells people at work that email is not an instant messaging service. It is a message forwarding and storing system. That’s my little engineer talking.

Halfway through my first Photoshop Boot Camp class, I realize my cell phone is still on. Of course it takes hearing someone else’s phone ring before I think of it. I dig mine out of my purse, start to turn it off, then hesitate. “What if someone needs to reach me?”

I opt for vibrate and then get annoyed with myself, “since when did what I WASN’T doing become more important than what I WAS doing?” I don't have time for a debate, so I opt to think about it later.

I’m the first to joke about people and their “CrackBerry’s.” But I’m just as guilty as they are, just too cheap to pay for the higher priced model. What happened to my commitment to present moment? I decide that next week I will turn off my cell phone completely. That’s a good start.

California’s new law requiring hands-free cell phone use is sprouting a new breed of individual. My brother-in-law describes them as having a cockroach in their ear. They walk around appearing to talk to themselves making it difficult to distinguish the truly insane from the headset addicted.

I was aware that my mother’s body was inhabiting mine, the mirror doesn’t lie, but I hadn’t realized the extent to which her thoughts were taking over. That was new information.

Small Victories

Our lives are filled with more everyday moments than huge earth shattering events. But most of us don’t focus on the small gestures of kindness that make our lives feel abundant.

It can be as simple as a smile from a stranger, a sincere compliment, or just being helpful, these heartfelt gestures given without any expectation of something in return enhance the quality of our lives and the entire world.

We give and receive acts of abundance every day, but don’t always acknowledge their power. These small gifts make us feel like the road is rising to meet us carrying us in its arms to our destination like life is just a little bit easier.

Here are a few of my small victories.

1. Exchanging my glasses was easy. Sometimes it is hard for me to ask for what I need.
2. My hairstylist and I were “on the same page,” I love my new do.
3. A traffic light stayed green long enough for me to pass.
4. I got a second chance to connect with a friend who called me for moral support.
5. I had enought cash so that I didn’t have to stop at the ATM before heading out today.
6. I actually WANTED to go to the gym tonight.
7. I felt anchored in the present moment ALL DAY!

How about you? What small victories did you experience today?

AHA Moment

For years, I have proclaimed myself a non procrastinator. But lately there is evidence to the contrary. I’ve been avoiding finishing my website like the plague. I even started painting my walls (which I love and hate all at the same time) to avoid it. I dismissed my lack of action as “just not in the mood yet.”

But today, I figured out what’s stopping me.

My AHA moment came as a result of several things. One, something a friend said about her not being able to promote her own writing. I thought to myself “well if that keeps you from writing anything, you will never have to face that obstacle.” But I didn’t quite see how it applied to me…..until today.

Today when I asked myself again if I was going to work on the website I heard a quiet “probably not,” when I was hoping for a “sure let’s get cracking.” I started contemplating why my quiet “no” was winning. Answers didn’t immediately come, so I decided to listen on the computer to Oprah’s Soul Series for inspiration (sounds like procrastination, but it wasn't).

I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer talk about his book “Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life.” He remarked that in nature “No tree has branches fool enough to fight each other” and I thought “why am I fighting myself.”

Then I listened to part 3 of Eckhart Tolle on the Soul Series. He talked about the idea that getting comfortable with not knowing allows the knowing to come, and about surrendering our attachment to what an outcome should be.

Contemplating my friend’s statement, Wayne Dyer’s and Eckhart Tolles’ wisdom, I found myself firmly planted in the present moment and to my astonishment my answer came.

Like my friend, I had projected myself into the future thinking about how I would promote the website, what I would do next etc. That unknown seemed so huge that I unconsciously resisted finishing so that I would not have to face it.

It is amazing what can come when we focus on the present moment and accept the information it holds for us. Okay, my new awareness didn’t send me immediately to work on the website. But I had big plans to complete first, a refill for my favorite purple pen, then the website.

If you are still reading this, thanks for sticking it out through this longer than usual post, and best wishes for your own AHA moment.

When the Going Gets Tough

Being able to accept discomfort without trying to escape it is good for us, especially if we want to stop repeating the same life lessons over and over again. We need to brave-up, woman-up or man-up (depending on your gender) and allow ourselves to feel it, live it, and stay with it, whatever ‘IT” might be. Only then can we gain a true understanding of “IT” and a chance to resolve “IT.”

We use clichés like “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” But instead of digging in and working hard, our society literally “gets going” and moves on to a new thing. We also go to our "happy place” to escape. Both strategies work for a while, but they focus our attention away from what’s bothering us and offer us no space for learning and no chance for reconciliation.

No doubt fully experiencing your feelings is uncomfortable. Most of us are wired to avoid pain. When I’m crying I want to stop crying, when I am in pain I want out of pain, when I am anxious, I want to stop being anxious but when I stop without accepting and understanding the root of those feeling, I am just putting a Bandaid on a leaky dam that will eventually break open again and again.

When I tried this myself I have to admit my symptoms did seem worse at first. I think that’s what stops us, we think we are making ourselves feel bad, but in reality the depth of our feelings were always there, we are just masters at masking them. Two things I know for sure about life “you can’t make people like you, they do or they don’t, and you can’t make yourself feel something, you do or you don’t.”

So the next time you have uncomfortable feelings, live with them, invite them to stay a little longer, each time increasing the time. Recognize them as your teacher and learn from them. You WILL feel uncomfortable, but you WILL survive, that I know for sure, too.

Revelation vs. Revolution

It amazes me how easy it is for some people to blame other people for all of their problems. How do they manage not to see that THEY are common denominator, THEY are the constant, THEY are the one determining their own outcomes.

When faced with challenges many people move on, run away. But when we run away without addressing our problems, they eventually catch up with us, dooming us to repeat the same lessons over and over again. Next time you're faced with a problem and you are thinking about moving on, try “moving in” instead.

Moving inward on a journey of self exploration. It requires finding inner stillness, what Eckhart Tolle refers to as your “listening space.” This inner space contains no judgment, expectation, or blame. It rewards you with abundance, awareness, and a light that allows your imperfect beauty to shine.

Sometimes when I wander a little too far off my spiritual path, I look inward and focus on the present moment and all it has to teach me and I quickly find my way back. There is no running away for me, I chose a revelation over a revolution every time.

Thank You Wayne Dyer

Thinking is sometimes like working a jigsaw puzzle, a piece goes here and there until a picture starts to appear. By midday, I had my picture, Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book Erroneous Zones was the original spark that lit my spirit fire so many years ago.

The glowing embers still radiating heat, dying down, flickering, but never going completely out, waiting in my unconscious, for a strong wind to fan their latent spark creating leaping flames. A New Earth was my strong wind.

Wayne Dyer was ahead of his time in 1976 when he wrote in Erroneous Zones “Choice and present-moment living will be stressed on almost every page of this book.” Present moment living “presence” is the key to “Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” in Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. It is something I will strive to achieve every day.

I had forgotten that I had started down this same path toward this same goal so many years ago. But I believe that we learn, and often times re-learn things for a reason.

Without the gift of Wayne Dyer’s early wisdom lighting my path, I may not have been ready to embrace the lessons of A New Earth and enjoy the rise to new heights that its strong winds offered. Thank you Wayne Dyer.

Origin of My Spark

I’m reading a book on creativity that suggests having notebooks and paper everywhere to jot down ideas. That way when inspiration comes, we are ready for it. I thought “great idea,” but did nothing.

Later while relaxing in a hot bath, a flash of brilliance, okay an idea, came to me and I wanted to write it down, but didn’t have any paper nearby. I decided to round up all my old journals and writing notebooks, there must have been 8-10 piled high on my bed, most barely used. I placed them all over the house, even in the car, ready to catch the next big idea.

I started glancing through and reading some previous entries and couldn’t believe my eyes. On May 11, 1979, in a journal titled “The Days of My Life,” I wrote about experiencing for the first time “living in the moment” and how I felt this total peace come over me that I fantasized was the peace that I’d feel at the time of my death “totally in the here and now” is how I described it and then I joked that “I didn’t even have to die to get it.”

Wow, I have been on this path since 1979! I am fascinated that I have been on this journey for twenty-nine years (almost to the day) and that I still value and pursue the same things in life.

May 11, 1979 was my first “present moment” experience and without this journal page, I would NEVER have remembered it. I vow, AGAIN to embrace journaling. Can you help me? Do you journal? Can you offer suggestions and ideas on developing a journaling habit so that I don't miss any insightful moments?

There are only three entries in “The Days of My Life” journal. Perhaps that’s where I will start. On page four I’ll write “May 12, 2008, I discovered the origin of my spark!”

Nudge Versus Push

Focusing on the present moment has revealed something about myself to me, that I can be pushy sometimes. It’s not that I wasn’t aware of this before, people have called me “blunt” (thanks Kate:)). But I’ve added a new dimension to my knowing, by feeling it.

So, I’m sorry if I ever pushed you when I meant to nudge you, unless you’re glad that I pushed you because you needed it, see what a slippery slope this is. I guess what I’m saying is if I say things that you don’t like or don’t agree with or aren’t ready to hear, blow it off. I never intend anything negative or judgmental, that’s just not what I'm about.

People do value me for giving my honest opinion, and I won’t stop doing that (not sure I can:)). But the good news is that I have become more aware that words are powerful tools and I want mine to encourage, uplift, and support my friends, family, and community.

Present Moment

We are so conditioned to project ourselves into the future or beat ourselves up about the past that we fail to recognize the power and wonder of living in the present moment.

I’m gaining perspective on “presence” studying A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Each weekly web class hosted by Eckhart & Oprah begins with thirty seconds of silence, where we focus our attention on our body’s internal functions (like breathing in and out) and away from thinking. This process provides a glimpse into experiencing the present moment.

The present moment is the only thing that we have for certain. The past is behind us and the future only a hope, not a promise. When you practice living in the present moment, you gain a clarity that allows you to see through new eyes your place in the world and to honor it.

It’s not too late to experience your own awakening. Each week Eckhart & Oprah discuss a chapter of A New Earth. Next week, Chapter 7 Finding Who You Truly Are according to Oprah is a great place to join in. You can catch up after that by going back and listening to previous classes. Check it out at http://www.oprah.com/.