Turn a Rut into a Groove

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the dimensions (Ellen Glasgow). You can get out of a rut but you can’t get out of a grave that is for sure. But changing a rut into a groove, now that’s a whole other animal.

Last year my husband and I were trying to decide whether to ship one of our cars to Florida where our son and his family live. On our longer visits rentals were very expensive but we we didn't want to increase our carbon footprint by buying a third car to keep down there (tree-hugger I know).

We weighed the pros and cons. Half the time my car sat in the garage and the other half I knew could plan more efficiently. Plus, I have a bike and legs that I have been meaning to use more.

This idea met with skepticism from our well-meaning friends and family who couldn’t imagine EVER being without a car. But it has worked out wonderfully and has even brought us closer together. In the year that we've been car sharing only a couple of conflicts occurred that were easily remedied.

Changing this rut into a groove brought unexpected benefits. When I want the car during the day, I chauffeur my husband the short three miles to work. My friend is encouraging me to get a cap!

In the car, we are present with each other and connect in a way that we hadn’t been after 30 years of marriage. We now plan our weeks together and engage more in each other’s days. One our short commute, we talk about our work, our days, our dreams and encourage and support each other.

The car thing may not work for everyone, but I encourage you to pick something that you’ve always done a certain way and turn it upside down. Play with changing some aspect of your life and I’ll bet you will find hidden benefits, too.

My new groove has me walking more and has brought us closer together and renewed our connection. It taught me that “LESS can be the new MORE!”

Spring Break Writing Boot Camp - April 12 - 23

Take an inward journey this Spring Break guided by Caren4u.

Drop and give me ten. Ten days devoted to U! Ten days writing together, listening to your heart, writing what it tells you, and discovering your dreams.

It’s a quick-start, jumpstart, online process using Radmacher Focus Phrase™ writing. Our dreams are heart wishes that too often go unheard in the noise of our daily lives. Spring Break Writing Boot Camp is a chance to focus inward and discover the answers waiting inside of you.

The kids get a Spring Break, why shouldn’t you?

Email me your interest at caren4u@comcast.net and we’ll get you registered for Spring Break on my virtual beach.

NO SUNSCREEN REQUIRED! Class fee $70 carenalbersinspirations.com

My Achilles HeaI

I’m good on my feet and now I’m good to my feet, but I wasn’t always. I took them for granted. I expected them to get me from point A to point B no questions asked, until the day they didn’t.

The day that I stepped on a far too tight muscle, once too often, and pain ensued. The day that with the pain came a message, a reminder of sorts about how a single part effects the whole. The day that the awareness hit me like a freight train that healing comes in its own time on its own schedule not mine.

Now, every day, I wake up slowly languishing in bed for a few moments connecting to my body and spirit, stretching lightly from head to toe, paying special attention to my feet.

I know they intend to support me, but now EVERY DAY I remind myself it’s a two-way street, I must support them, too.

My Utopia

I remember when my son was young and played soccer. At the end of the season everyone got a trophy. It didn’t matter how many games you won or if you ever contacted the ball during the game, everyone on the team got one. The kids loved it.

I loved the idea of learning a sport in a non-competitive environment without having to make winners and losers out of five year olds. Some of the more competitive parents scoffed at this saying “the kids know who won and lost.” Throughout the years after every sporting event my son participated in, and there were many, win or lose I told him “Good Game,” which he informed me that kids hate. But that did not deter me.

My favorite sport was middle school track. So many children came out and ran and jumped and had fun. There were events for every talent from dashes to long distance to high jumping to long jumping. Somehow we were blessed with coaches who managed to instill in our kids that the person they were competing was their “personal best.”

Winning was great, but beating your “personal best” was an equally celebrated accomplishment. I wish we could all carry that attitude with us throughout our lives. Then we would stop comparing our accomplishments to other people’s and measure our success by what really counts “our personal best.” That would be my utopia.

Do Rae ME

Believe in yourself. You hold the power. Change the channel, turn the volume up or down or off. It’s completely up to you.

People search for happiness when happiness is found simply by living authentically. Tiptoe out of the shadows and give voice to your own light. Share yourself honestly and humbly and you won’t have to go looking for happiness and peace, they will find you.

When you stop listening to someone else’s soundtrack and make your own beautiful music, even if others might think it has a little too much cowbell, your spirit WILL sing.

Left, Right, Left, Right

It has been far too long since my pen touched paper or more appropriately my fingers touched the keyboard and I shared my thoughts.

What a whirlwind! Our February trip to Panama City Beach turned into mission to buy a second home. We closed escrow Thursday on a fabulous place by the sea (okay the Gulf). We are so excited to own a place where we can be close to Matt, Sarah, and baby-to-be and have beautiful weather and breathtaking views.

Life DOES come down to the details. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Our mission became to find our dream place in time to use a loan product set to expire the following week. All that was left after that was to navigate our way through the entire process. That's all!

People think that to achieve something you have to know how to do it before you start. Although some knowledge is helpful, most times we learn how to do things by simply doing them. Every day we put one foot in front of the other and tackle the details until all the steps are taken and the job is complete and voila, SUCCESS!

The Hokey Pokey

I’m doing the hokey pokey. I stick my right foot in and take my right foot out, but I never get to the part where I put my whole self in.

“That’s sad” I say to myself. Then I add “MOST people don’t even put a foot in,” to which I counter “you are NOT most people.” Huh, this argument sounds familiar.

It’s in there, I know it is, I discovered it a while ago. What do I get from holding it back, security? What will I gain from being fearless and unleashing it? I will be ALL in…no more hokey pokey.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2009 is

To stop over-achieving. It’s showing up in everything I do from writing an email to making food for parties. For some crazy reason, I seem to always “go the extra mile” and then one more for good measure. At times this can be good, but as an overall strategy for living, bad.

Sometimes, it is “the thought that counts.” I don’t have to type perfect emails or say perfect things or make the most creative dishes for EVERY party. Parties are about people not about perfect dishes and life is about connecting not about perfect wishes.

So, in 2009, I will “stop and smell the roses,” remember to enjoy being a gracious guest, and let other people lead me sometimes. I will replace my need to get everything right with an acceptance that I am all right, just the way I am. Ahhhh, that sounds really good to me right now.

You could say posting this on my blog before noon on New Year’s Day sparks of over-achieving, and I might have to agree with you. But hey, it’s day one and I’m going to cut myself a little slack. See it’s working already!

Instrumental

A friend said to me “when you returned from FL last winter you had a clarity about yourself and your writing” (or something to that effect). I say “something to the effect” because we ALL hear and remember things through our own filters and I have carried this thought around with me for some time considering it.

I was trying to understand and reconcile why I didn’t always operate from that space of clarity gained through discovering “stillness” in Florida.

I rationalized that everyday life calls for all kinds of energy and intensity to achieve goals. But that didn’t quite fit for me. Today, I found my answer. People often describe life by saying you "take two steps forward one step backward." I describe life as as a circle of three steps, "learn, practice, rest." The steps are not always linear, and all three are equally important.

You don’t pick up a violin and play beautiful music immediately, you learn, you practice and then eventually most times when you pick up the instrument you hear a beautiful song.

I AM MY INSTRUMENT. I am learning, practicing, or resting all the time. The more practiced I become, the more beautiful my spirit song, and the closer I get to rediscovering that place of stillness and clarity deep inside me.

Use the Force!

The universe spoke to me and here’s the funny part, I listened. I was trying to figure out why I wasn’t finishing my photo affirmation business website. So, I got really quiet, did some deep breathing, and ask my spirit guide, to guide me. I wasn’t sure I had one, but I knew I wanted one.

I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, listened quietly, and new thoughts floated effortlessly into my mind “You’re not ready yet, when you are ready, it will flow out of you” they said. I hadn’t considered myself “not ready” but it could be. Then the voice in my head said something I didn’t understand. “There is no time.”

I racked my brain turning the phrase over and over again. “No time,” what could that mean? After several confusing moments another thought slid into my consciousness, add the word table to time. I was still confused, but did as I was told. “There is no timetable.”

Aha, I had my answer. When the time was right I would complete my website with ease. I liked the sound of that. So I relaxed and gave myself permission to let the time choose itself. It really was that easy. I believe in the Buddhist proverb "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

What happened next was truly amazing. I became motivated beyond belief to work past my final challenges and completed the website in just two weeks, and YES it did “flow” out of me.

In life, as in so many things, a small shift can move a mountain. I was trying to figure out why I wasn’t completing the website, not realizing that the law of attraction was working here. The more I asked why I wasn’t finishing, the more attention and energy I was attracting to NOT finishing.

When I released, trusted and surrendered, I achieved my goal (snaps to me for being able to do that!). I'm happy to announce that the website is up and running, YEAH! Take a look and give me some feedback affirmations4u.com. Smiles, Caren

Should I Stay or Should I Go

As my car approaches a squirrel trying to cross the street, he runs forward a few steps then back a few, forward, back, then after two head fakes he finally returns to his safe spot on the sidewalk. I’m at a loss to help him, heck I don’t even know if I can stay out of his way.

Then I realize I’m just like that squirrel.

I start things with vigor, I dart out into the big world and announce my grand plans, then if an obstacle presents itself or I get scared or afraid, I wonder whether I should turn back or venture on.

Watching the squirrel, I realize he will be okay either way, whether he crosses or not. He just needs to make a commitment. But then again, maybe the squirrel needs to run back and forth a few times until he believes in himself.

Thanks to the squirrel, I’ve decided to go for it. Wish me luck!

Mucking Around

To be really good at something you have to be willing to be bad at it for a while….we learn by mucking around.

I can study and attempt to assimilate new information, but the truth is I learn by banging on things. By touching, feeling, experiencing, sometimes screwing up, and then most times FINALLY getting it.

In my younger days, my fear of doing anything that wasn’t “perfect” severely limited me. But now, although I still find learning frustrating at times, I persevere and the personal rewards are phenomenal.

I’ve learned that the more frustrated I am the closer I am to a breakthrough and that a certain amount of re-learning is normal, even though I hate it. In my case, the amount of re-learning is fairly substantial, but I accept that.

So lighten up everyone, enjoy the mucking and the next time you are frustrated beyond belief, instead of taking it out on others or even worse yourself, repeat with confidence these words “I must be on the edge of a breakthrough.” If your situation calls for more colorful language, consider adding the word “mucking” before “breakthrough.” That should do it.

A Recipe For Success

Focus on what you know not what you don’t know, what you have, not what you need, and what’s working in your life instead of what isn’t.

I’ve always had trouble giving myself credit for things. My family will laugh because I was the overly confident child with the dramatic showy exterior. I was the “look what I can do” kid, but inside I was a marshmallow. Okay, more like a stale marshmallow with many tough layers, but I had a soft, squishy center.

I work every day to be the best version of myself that I can be. I read, talk, think, challenge, live, explore. I know that I am strong, confident, content, and happy but sometimes still a little voice challenges my convictions whispering doubts in my ear.

But when I focus on all that I know, all that I have, and how wonderful my life is, the whispers exert no power over me and trail off in the wind as quickly as they come. With a deep breath, my center rises up to meet me, cocooning me, hugging and protecting my innermost squishy part, telling me all is well, and that YES I can depend on me.

Old Dog

My husband and I find ourselves discussing how insane it is that people feel the need to be available 24/7. I remember back when the Xerox repairman and doctors were the ONLY people who carried pagers.

Bob remarks that he tells people at work that email is not an instant messaging service. It is a message forwarding and storing system. That’s my little engineer talking.

Halfway through my first Photoshop Boot Camp class, I realize my cell phone is still on. Of course it takes hearing someone else’s phone ring before I think of it. I dig mine out of my purse, start to turn it off, then hesitate. “What if someone needs to reach me?”

I opt for vibrate and then get annoyed with myself, “since when did what I WASN’T doing become more important than what I WAS doing?” I don't have time for a debate, so I opt to think about it later.

I’m the first to joke about people and their “CrackBerry’s.” But I’m just as guilty as they are, just too cheap to pay for the higher priced model. What happened to my commitment to present moment? I decide that next week I will turn off my cell phone completely. That’s a good start.

California’s new law requiring hands-free cell phone use is sprouting a new breed of individual. My brother-in-law describes them as having a cockroach in their ear. They walk around appearing to talk to themselves making it difficult to distinguish the truly insane from the headset addicted.

I was aware that my mother’s body was inhabiting mine, the mirror doesn’t lie, but I hadn’t realized the extent to which her thoughts were taking over. That was new information.

Layers

Today, I was late for my Photoshop Boot Camp Class. It’s not like real boot camp. I didn’t have to do any extra push-ups for being late. I wear sandals and Capri pants, but my mind engages in three straight hours of mental calisthenics, no breaks, no kidding.

I was late because I was trying to figure out the difference between Ginnie Mae, Freddie Mac, and Fanny Mae. Just in case you are interested, Ginnie Mae is a government owned corporation that guarantees bonds backed by home mortgages. Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac guarantee mortgages but have no government backing, even though the government set them up and will probably bail them out in the next few weeks.

Usually, if I am late it’s for no good reason other than trying not to get there too early and instead I get sucked into something like watching a rerun of Brett Michaels’ Rock of Love II. I sure hope he finds love this time around….I don’t think I have another season in me.

The class definitely lives up to its “Boot Camp” name. At the end of the third hour, I stagger out of there, willing myself to remember at least a few things I had learned, and promising I will do better next week.

Driving home I am robot-like, eyes glazed over, following the car in front of me way too closely. Extreme hunger sets in and I remember that I was starving after last week’s class, too. I make a mental note to pack a snack next week. God only knows how late that will make me.

HERSTORY

She is at war with the mirror. Like so many wars, it’s difficult to say with any certainty where it began. The first attacks were subtle inferences of lost youth, followed by more pointed attacks on certain features, leading to an all out assault.

She thought she had solved the problem by not looking at herself when she passed mirrors. But like most diversionary tactics, it only got her so far.

Herein lies the rub, she liked looking at herself. Her mother swore that as a child she never passed a mirror without gazing into it, making a face, winking, or leaning in for a better view. She was curious and always wanting to know what she looked like in her hat, making a face, crying, laughing, whatever she was doing, she wanted and needed to see it. Because seeing it made her feel real.

She can no longer stand not to feel real. She decides she must call a cease fire, reframe her thinking, and reclaim herself. As age leaves behind its mark, she chooses to stop averting her gaze and learns to celebrate her gifts.

She has a loving smile that extends comfort and support with its mere flash, any lines created there prove her success. She reveres the smallish lines at the corner of her eyes because they originate from smiling and are a product of her happy contented life. She grows to see the deeper crevices as signals of her determination and commitment. She wears them like badges of honor.

Her surrender brings her freedom. She becomes fearless and again looks at herself in every passing mirror. She celebrates her coming of age and her blossoming knowledge of herself and the world. She shines from the inside out revealing an ageless, timeless, inner beauty.

She breathes and savors the moment, not comparing herself to anything or anybody, simply enjoying what is.

Serendipitous Silence

I loved reading Worthwhile Magazine. It focused on discovering your purpose in life both personally and professionally. Worthwhile changed its name to Motto due to a legal battle over the name. I loved Motto, too. It shouted “what’s your motto?” What do you stand for?

Unfortunately, Motto wasn’t in business very long. When it folded Ode Magazine sent Motto subscribers a few issues of their magazine to check out. I wasn’t feeling a connection until the July/August issue arrived. It was completely dedicated to the subject of “silence.”

It had many insightful articles on “silence” including one on “One Square Inch of Silence,” in Washington State’s Olympic National Park, a subject of an earlier post of mine.

The Buddhist proverb seems to apply here “when the student is ready the teacher appears.” The "silence" issue spoke volumes to me. I thought about silence in new ways, like what it is like to hear dawn break, or how music is as much about the silences in between the notes as the notes, or how sometimes just being there matters more than anything that is said.

In silence, we ask for nothing and we need nothing, we are complete.

Expect Great Things

Managing expectation….is it possible….is it necessary? So many times things don’t lived up to our imagined ideal leaving us feeling disappointed.

People say it is our expectations that get us into trouble. I think focusing too much attention on what doesn’t meet our expectations and not adequately celebrating what does is what negatively affects us.

This may sound lame, but last week I made this awesome shredded beef burrito. When I bit into it, I was rewarded with explosions of flavor that far exceeded my expectations. I consciously considered celebrating that wonderful moment, but going gonzo over a burrito, well seemed silly.
But it was more than the burrito, on some level I knew that. It was the joyful occurrence of something being what I expected or better.

So often we get fixated on what doesn’t meet our expectations (my eyeglass incident) or a million other things and we forget to get equally excited about what does rock our world.

The next time something turns out good, meeting or exceeding your expectations, no matter how insignificant, shout praises from the rooftops….okay maybe just do a little happy dance. But celebrate its occurrence and recognize its contribution to your well-being. Shower it with at least as much energy (more if you can) as the nagging missed expectations you obsess on like a dog protecting a bone.

Who knows, by fousing our attention on the good, we may find even more things in our lives to celebrate.

When the Going Gets Tough

Being able to accept discomfort without trying to escape it is good for us, especially if we want to stop repeating the same life lessons over and over again. We need to brave-up, woman-up or man-up (depending on your gender) and allow ourselves to feel it, live it, and stay with it, whatever ‘IT” might be. Only then can we gain a true understanding of “IT” and a chance to resolve “IT.”

We use clichés like “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” But instead of digging in and working hard, our society literally “gets going” and moves on to a new thing. We also go to our "happy place” to escape. Both strategies work for a while, but they focus our attention away from what’s bothering us and offer us no space for learning and no chance for reconciliation.

No doubt fully experiencing your feelings is uncomfortable. Most of us are wired to avoid pain. When I’m crying I want to stop crying, when I am in pain I want out of pain, when I am anxious, I want to stop being anxious but when I stop without accepting and understanding the root of those feeling, I am just putting a Bandaid on a leaky dam that will eventually break open again and again.

When I tried this myself I have to admit my symptoms did seem worse at first. I think that’s what stops us, we think we are making ourselves feel bad, but in reality the depth of our feelings were always there, we are just masters at masking them. Two things I know for sure about life “you can’t make people like you, they do or they don’t, and you can’t make yourself feel something, you do or you don’t.”

So the next time you have uncomfortable feelings, live with them, invite them to stay a little longer, each time increasing the time. Recognize them as your teacher and learn from them. You WILL feel uncomfortable, but you WILL survive, that I know for sure, too.

Thank You Wayne Dyer

Thinking is sometimes like working a jigsaw puzzle, a piece goes here and there until a picture starts to appear. By midday, I had my picture, Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book Erroneous Zones was the original spark that lit my spirit fire so many years ago.

The glowing embers still radiating heat, dying down, flickering, but never going completely out, waiting in my unconscious, for a strong wind to fan their latent spark creating leaping flames. A New Earth was my strong wind.

Wayne Dyer was ahead of his time in 1976 when he wrote in Erroneous Zones “Choice and present-moment living will be stressed on almost every page of this book.” Present moment living “presence” is the key to “Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” in Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. It is something I will strive to achieve every day.

I had forgotten that I had started down this same path toward this same goal so many years ago. But I believe that we learn, and often times re-learn things for a reason.

Without the gift of Wayne Dyer’s early wisdom lighting my path, I may not have been ready to embrace the lessons of A New Earth and enjoy the rise to new heights that its strong winds offered. Thank you Wayne Dyer.