Small Changes in Thinking CAN Make Big Changes in YOU

The Four Day Win (oops I added an “e”and typed wine the first time) is a behavior modification strategy shared with me by Martha Beck Master Life Coach Susan Hyatt shyatt.com.  It nurtures goal setting and I can sure use some help with that?

The process involves setting a four day goal and turning it into a success, a win. You start by choosing a small daily goal that you will commit to doing for four day.  A feasible goal makes a huge difference in succeeding.  So, make your goal, then cut it in half to make it ridiculously easy to achieve. I cut my original goal to write one hour every morning during my genius hours when I'm most creative, productive, and connected down to thirty minutes.

Step two involves giving yourself a small reward every day you achieve your goal.  I put together a basket of small gifts,  material rewards (pens, post-it, nail polish etc.), and post-it notes with nonmaterial rewards like reading for 1/2 hour from a yummy book or watching Oprah. I gotta say the reward part challenges me. But that’s the applause, the pat on the back, the “atta girl” we all crave.

On the fourth day of achieving your goal give yourself a BIGGER reward because you accomplished your Four Day Win. It doesn’t need to be expensive like an e-reader or an ipad (although I’m trying to manifest one) it can be a latte or trip to the park or something else that you like.

Three small rewards followed by a larger one allows you to experience life in small wins.  It breaks goals up into managable bites and creates a natural pause to relax in and enjoy your successes.  Then if you want, you can set another Four Day Win! 

It also provides a psychological boost.  Say I go to a yoga class one time, “I’m trying yoga.” But if I go to yoga four times “I DO Yoga.” See the shift, BE the shift!

LIVE YOUR DREAM

Blog Writing 101

The IDEA, EXECUTION, and PUBLISH POST button are three important elements to consider when writing a blog post. Each can terrify a beginner. But trust me you can do this.

IDEA - write about something you believe in that excites you. Something you are experiencing right now or something that you can’t get out of your mind translate well into blog posts that engage readers.

EXECUTION – short and simple is best. A three paragraph writing style similar to one I use in my Focus Phrase Process is a great structure for new bloggers to loosely follow. I say "loosely" because you may notice that this post does not conform to that style.☺ Also, remember to edit, edit, edit. Ask yourself “is this word, thought, or sentence necessary to tell the story?” If not, no matter how brilliant, lose it.

PUBLISH POST - clicking the publish post button used to paralyze me, but practice does make easier (remember there is no perfect). So NIKE (just do it!) You can always change, edit, or if you totally freak out delete it altogether. Nothing is carved in stone here, RELAX, hit PUBLISH POST and see what happens.

My guess is you will find many who appreciate your message and identify with you. Martha Beck calls them “your people.” Don’t let fear keep you on the sidelines another minute. Put yourself out there, BLOG, find “your people” and start building a tribe.

I’m hitting PUBLISH POST now!☺

LIVE YOUR DREAM

“A JOURNEY OF WORDS"- Discover the wisdom of your own words.

Are you ready to take the next BIG step toward living your dream?

Want to understand yourself better and find more meaning and direction in your life? We create our WORLD with our WORDS. Our thoughts become things. When we tell ourselves we can, we can and when we tell ourselves we can’t, well you know how that usually goes.

The words we use every day get strung together and become the fabric of the stories of our lives. Want your life’s journey to be a beautiful tapestry worthy of you? Join me, Caren4u in an online writing experience focusing on the wisdom of your own words.

Mary Anne Radmacher’s thought-provoking, inspiring words (Radmacher Focus Phrases™) begin a conversation that leads to exploration and discovery. Even if you don’t feel like an accomplished writer this class is for you. It's about so much more than writing. Write to inspire your inner strength. Write to develop a habit of using your own words to keep you focused and aimed in the direction of your dreams.

Focus Phrase writing is a small investment with huge returns. While it is about writing it is more about what you discover as you explore and write. The insight gained doesn’t end when the class ends, it lasts a lifetime.

This is a guided writing process conducted online. I offer feedback unique and specific to your writing and discovery. Encouragement and support, no extra charge, that’s just how I roll!

A JOURNEY OF WORDS begins on June 7th and concludes June 25th. $129 covers three consecutive weeks of writing Monday – Friday. Ready to enroll? Reply to caren4u@comcast.net and I will get you registered and paid.

Want a shorter class, I offer A JOG OF WORDS. $40 covers a one week preview that introduces you to the Focus Phrase writing process. At the end of the week, you can decide to continue on with me or enjoy having participated in the shorter class experience.

Here’s what some of my participants have to share about the process:

“This turned out to be a wonderful opportunity to prod my inner wisdom and to actually allow myself to creatively explore beyond the obvious. I found this to be freeing and exciting.” Anne M.

“I imagined this course would get me thinking about life choices big and small, and help me focus on my needs, but I didn't know that some choices would become very important and very clear. I've been able to set my priorities and complete some challenges that have enriched my life in marvelous and unexpected ways.” Michelle A.

Live Your Dream - http://carenalbersinspirations.com

Falling in Love with Yourself is FOREVER

Spend this Valentine’s Day falling in love with YOU. Our relationships with other people can only be as highly evolved as our relationship with ourselves. It’s like a bank account you’ve got to put love in to be able to take love out. So if you find yourself unattached this Valentine Day or even if you are attached consider taking Self-Love 101 at “YOU University” where YOU are the student and the teacher.


SELF-LOVE 101 - Ten surfire ways to master self-love.

1. Acknowledge Yourself - You’re perfect just the way you are right now – not ten pounds from now, not a new job from now, not a different anything from now. Explore, accept, and love the gift that you are just by being you.
   
2. Cast Off Old Tapes – You know the ones. The ones you’ve been hearing since childhood about who you are. Don’t let other people’s opinions define you. Train your mind and spirit to go beyond other people’s limitations.
   
3. Affirmations Work – Find one that encourages acceptance and self-love. Affirmations are like planting seeds. They don’t look like much in the beginning, but if you tend to them they soon grow and blossom. “I love and approve of myself just as I am” is a great one by Louise Hay.
   
4. Send Outdated Beliefs Packing - Your outward experience always reflects your beliefs about yourself. If you want to change the outside; you’ve got to start on the inside.
   
5. L.I.G. Let-It-Go – Forgive yourself for ALL your past transgressions. Like Dr. Phil says “If we knew better, we’d do better.” Wipe your slate clean. Nobody’s perfect. Compassion and forgiveness begins and ends with you.
   
6. Observes Don’t Judge – Judging and criticizing other people also means that we judge and criticize ourselves. That alone is a good reason to give it up. It’s wonderful when you don’t feel the need to label a thing as “good or bad, right or wrong.” When you observe, it just “is.”
   
7. Embrace Change – This version of yourself is not permanent and neither was the one you grew up with. You can change your thoughts about who you are and change who you are.
   
8. Learn & Grow – Look for opportunities to try new things. It makes you and life more interesting. If you’ve always loved a thing but have never tried it, what are you waiting for?
   
9. Breathe – It makes everything better. Relax and take a deep breath. On the inhale say to yourself “I am” and on the exhale say “loving.”
   
10. Practice, Practice, Practice – We think we learn something and then it’s over, “BAM” we know it. But we learn by doing, by repeating a thing, sometimes over and over and over and over.

Applaud your learning and give yourself an "A" just for taking the course. Loving yourself, respecting and appreciating you is the most powerful thing a person can do. When we fall in love with other people they can leave us, but when we fall in love with ourselves, IT'S FOREVER!

The Pearl

When did “present moment living” take up residence? I’m not certain. During the past two years it’s dropped in and visited. Unexpectedly at first, but a welcome surprise of unparalleled experience. It’s like the infatuation stage of love. Everything looks different, smells different, tastes different, colors shine brighter, meaning becomes obvious, street signs look foreign and new, the world opens before your eyes in a way it has never done before. Did I mention the peacefulness? Oh it is truly blissful I’ll even say “to die for.” Turns out you don’t have to.

I want it to stay forever when it comes, but like a rootless drifter it arrives and leaves on its own schedule. Eventually, I do start sensing its pending arrival. I notice the signs and start inviting it with my best “come hither” and am blessed with remarkable experiences of vividly amazing days that eventually grow into weeks. But still it continues to slip away in the night without so much as a post-it note. But now my unpredictable houseguest/friend has officially moved in and I couldn’t be happier, seriously, no seriously! Its presence is glaringly obvious this holiday season.

I no longer argue with the reality of “what is.” Bob had surgery. I’m not a hero or superhuman. Yes, I am brave and happy for that. But I don’t have to attach a story to it, I simply experience it, lived it, and it’s manageable. Just like not going home for Christmas. Several times, I have been tempted to attach a story to it like that “for fifty-seven years I've spent the holidays with my family” making it BIG. But when I'm present and experience it without a story, it’s not big or sad. It’s actually very peaceful. Like the oyster, I have rubbed up against enough sand that a metamorphosis has occurred and something beautiful has been created inside of me. I always thought acceptance involved the surrendering of your power. It turns out that it involves the surrendering of your stories and the acceptance of your power. “Who knew?

Renaissance

I rarely see the first light of day. I’m not against it, but my natural circadian rhythm wakes me at seven thirty when the sun has made her debut and is already ascending in the morning sky. On those rare days when I do occasion a glimpse of her first rise, I know I have witnessed something truly spectacular, a birth, a new beginning.

I am seeing my own sunrise right now. On the horizon her beauty greets me more brightly each day. She emerges wondrous and whole, a perfect arc arching forward. Her appearance not coincidental, designed, desired, and now required by me. Her presence arrives as beautifully as a bird’s melodic call filling my ears with joyful songs.

It is my calling, my soul’s reach. A hand offered a hand taken, pulling me out of my past into the present where all power lives to create my future. I have answered the call and I smile now, not for the world to see, but for me.

My Utopia

I remember when my son was young and played soccer. At the end of the season everyone got a trophy. It didn’t matter how many games you won or if you ever contacted the ball during the game, everyone on the team got one. The kids loved it.

I loved the idea of learning a sport in a non-competitive environment without having to make winners and losers out of five year olds. Some of the more competitive parents scoffed at this saying “the kids know who won and lost.” Throughout the years after every sporting event my son participated in, and there were many, win or lose I told him “Good Game,” which he informed me that kids hate. But that did not deter me.

My favorite sport was middle school track. So many children came out and ran and jumped and had fun. There were events for every talent from dashes to long distance to high jumping to long jumping. Somehow we were blessed with coaches who managed to instill in our kids that the person they were competing was their “personal best.”

Winning was great, but beating your “personal best” was an equally celebrated accomplishment. I wish we could all carry that attitude with us throughout our lives. Then we would stop comparing our accomplishments to other people’s and measure our success by what really counts “our personal best.” That would be my utopia.

The Hokey Pokey

I’m doing the hokey pokey. I stick my right foot in and take my right foot out, but I never get to the part where I put my whole self in.

“That’s sad” I say to myself. Then I add “MOST people don’t even put a foot in,” to which I counter “you are NOT most people.” Huh, this argument sounds familiar.

It’s in there, I know it is, I discovered it a while ago. What do I get from holding it back, security? What will I gain from being fearless and unleashing it? I will be ALL in…no more hokey pokey.

Unconditional Love

Rhonda Britten writes in her book Fearless Living about seeing the innocence in all people. I strive to incorporate this principle in my own life. We ALL try to do the best we can every day, and when we can stop imposing our expectations onto each other, we receive a wonderful gift, peace.

Today I was reminded of this lesson, the importance of seeing the innocence in everyone. The hidden benefit of practicing this philosophy is that you also get to experience the innocence in yourself. You learn to forgive your imperfections, applaud your growth, and practice giving yourself unconditional love.

Reflection

Even before I had left Sacramento, I felt myself expanding, and my adventure was just beginning.

I preselected classes, choosing from some old favorites like Gary Zukav and Byron Katie and some presenters new to me like Michael Losier - The Law of Attraction and Toe Reading by K.C. Miller.

The speakers were as varied as the seekers. Class topics included inspiration, gratitude, change, the science of miracles, self-care, the Law of Attraction, stress to strength, shaman healing, brain theory, the Moses Code, positive energy, healing arts, channeling, and talking to the dead.

As I browsed the vendor booths, I was immediately struck by the diversity of interests. To get a jump on one of my planned classes for the next day I got in line for a toe reading. The woman in line behind me read fingerprints, so while we waited she told me what my fingertips revealed. When it was my turn, Laurie, my toe reader was energetic and embraced my feet. Apparently, I have queen and princess qualities (go figure). The only negative was that my pinkies are facing outward which means that I am focused on the future.

The keynote speakers were amazing. Maryanne Williamson was excited about the election as were most presenters. They feel Obama’s election signals a positive shift in the consciousness of the world. Wayne Dyer was inspiring, so entertaining, so human. I was reminded of what originally attracted me to his work back in the 80’s. James Van Praagh was funny, entertaining, and passed on very specific messages from the dead.

I got my own message of sorts, not from the keynote but from a woman a sitting at the end of the row in front of me. She passed me a card that read “You have a big guy fairly bald with you – laughing.” That is a perfect description of my father who has passed, and my mother always says he is probably up there laughing at us.

I found myself engaged, focused, writing, and contemplating ideas the entire weekend. It was a joyous time then and a wonderful treasured memory now.

Instrumental

A friend said to me “when you returned from FL last winter you had a clarity about yourself and your writing” (or something to that effect). I say “something to the effect” because we ALL hear and remember things through our own filters and I have carried this thought around with me for some time considering it.

I was trying to understand and reconcile why I didn’t always operate from that space of clarity gained through discovering “stillness” in Florida.

I rationalized that everyday life calls for all kinds of energy and intensity to achieve goals. But that didn’t quite fit for me. Today, I found my answer. People often describe life by saying you "take two steps forward one step backward." I describe life as as a circle of three steps, "learn, practice, rest." The steps are not always linear, and all three are equally important.

You don’t pick up a violin and play beautiful music immediately, you learn, you practice and then eventually most times when you pick up the instrument you hear a beautiful song.

I AM MY INSTRUMENT. I am learning, practicing, or resting all the time. The more practiced I become, the more beautiful my spirit song, and the closer I get to rediscovering that place of stillness and clarity deep inside me.

Mucking Around

To be really good at something you have to be willing to be bad at it for a while….we learn by mucking around.

I can study and attempt to assimilate new information, but the truth is I learn by banging on things. By touching, feeling, experiencing, sometimes screwing up, and then most times FINALLY getting it.

In my younger days, my fear of doing anything that wasn’t “perfect” severely limited me. But now, although I still find learning frustrating at times, I persevere and the personal rewards are phenomenal.

I’ve learned that the more frustrated I am the closer I am to a breakthrough and that a certain amount of re-learning is normal, even though I hate it. In my case, the amount of re-learning is fairly substantial, but I accept that.

So lighten up everyone, enjoy the mucking and the next time you are frustrated beyond belief, instead of taking it out on others or even worse yourself, repeat with confidence these words “I must be on the edge of a breakthrough.” If your situation calls for more colorful language, consider adding the word “mucking” before “breakthrough.” That should do it.

Path Blockers

I pay way too much attention to what I don’t know about something and don’t give myself enough credit for what I do know.

This part of what is getting in the way of my completing my website. I’m allowing the few things that I don’t know to get in the way of all that I know. Huh, I think this applies to more than just creating my website, but let’s slay one dragon at a time.

Remember in an earlier post when I said you can learn anything if you are willing to spend whatever amount of time it takes to personally learn it? I am at that crossroads asking myself “Is the time I’m spending to learn to create a website worth it to me?”

Like so many things, the answer is yes and no. I get a strong sense of confidence, satisfaction, and pride doing it for myself, but it is taking a lot of time, an inspired thought might be to get a little professional help with the final details. It wouldn't be the first time someone suggested that I get a little professional help:)

I like inspired thoughts!

Expect Great Things

Managing expectation….is it possible….is it necessary? So many times things don’t lived up to our imagined ideal leaving us feeling disappointed.

People say it is our expectations that get us into trouble. I think focusing too much attention on what doesn’t meet our expectations and not adequately celebrating what does is what negatively affects us.

This may sound lame, but last week I made this awesome shredded beef burrito. When I bit into it, I was rewarded with explosions of flavor that far exceeded my expectations. I consciously considered celebrating that wonderful moment, but going gonzo over a burrito, well seemed silly.
But it was more than the burrito, on some level I knew that. It was the joyful occurrence of something being what I expected or better.

So often we get fixated on what doesn’t meet our expectations (my eyeglass incident) or a million other things and we forget to get equally excited about what does rock our world.

The next time something turns out good, meeting or exceeding your expectations, no matter how insignificant, shout praises from the rooftops….okay maybe just do a little happy dance. But celebrate its occurrence and recognize its contribution to your well-being. Shower it with at least as much energy (more if you can) as the nagging missed expectations you obsess on like a dog protecting a bone.

Who knows, by fousing our attention on the good, we may find even more things in our lives to celebrate.

AHA Moment

For years, I have proclaimed myself a non procrastinator. But lately there is evidence to the contrary. I’ve been avoiding finishing my website like the plague. I even started painting my walls (which I love and hate all at the same time) to avoid it. I dismissed my lack of action as “just not in the mood yet.”

But today, I figured out what’s stopping me.

My AHA moment came as a result of several things. One, something a friend said about her not being able to promote her own writing. I thought to myself “well if that keeps you from writing anything, you will never have to face that obstacle.” But I didn’t quite see how it applied to me…..until today.

Today when I asked myself again if I was going to work on the website I heard a quiet “probably not,” when I was hoping for a “sure let’s get cracking.” I started contemplating why my quiet “no” was winning. Answers didn’t immediately come, so I decided to listen on the computer to Oprah’s Soul Series for inspiration (sounds like procrastination, but it wasn't).

I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer talk about his book “Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life.” He remarked that in nature “No tree has branches fool enough to fight each other” and I thought “why am I fighting myself.”

Then I listened to part 3 of Eckhart Tolle on the Soul Series. He talked about the idea that getting comfortable with not knowing allows the knowing to come, and about surrendering our attachment to what an outcome should be.

Contemplating my friend’s statement, Wayne Dyer’s and Eckhart Tolles’ wisdom, I found myself firmly planted in the present moment and to my astonishment my answer came.

Like my friend, I had projected myself into the future thinking about how I would promote the website, what I would do next etc. That unknown seemed so huge that I unconsciously resisted finishing so that I would not have to face it.

It is amazing what can come when we focus on the present moment and accept the information it holds for us. Okay, my new awareness didn’t send me immediately to work on the website. But I had big plans to complete first, a refill for my favorite purple pen, then the website.

If you are still reading this, thanks for sticking it out through this longer than usual post, and best wishes for your own AHA moment.

Maybe Someday

I’ll have a terracotta tile floor” I say as I watch the kitchen makeover on HGTV. I admit I thrive on a fair amount of change and blossom when made over.

Let's start with my hair, constantly changing. It grows like a weed and experiences color changes as rapid as a chameleon except unlike a chameleon it stands out from its environment instead of blending in. My stylists love my boldness. For me it’s just hair, a renewable resource, why not try crazy. Sure I've gone too far a time or two. But if you never go too far, you'll never know what you're capable of. Are we still talking about hair?

Never been much of a blender myself. The only time I move with the herd is if it's going at a break neck speed with its hair on fire. Otherwise, I separate from the crowd and fly solo, gliding on the warm air currents in and out of the clouds, blazing my own path, at my own speed. Sometimes I do brave things that seem crazy like fly straight up in the air as far as I can, then flying full speed toward the ground pulling up at just the right moment to avoid disaster. Okay, I don’t actually do that, but I have seen humming birds do it, some kind of mating ritual or maybe their sugar water has fermented. But I do something that feels very similar.

I dive in head first, eyes wide open, multi-colored locks flowing in the breeze my splash creates. I talk about what excites me, what I care about. I don’t wait to have all the answers to share my enthusiasm. I take risks right out in the open. I fly straight up in the air for all to see and sometimes for good measure I fly full speed toward the ground drawing frightened stares from worried onlookers. At the last moment, I pull up and experiencing an incredible “roller coaster feeling" in my gut that reminds me I can soar.

When the Going Gets Tough

Being able to accept discomfort without trying to escape it is good for us, especially if we want to stop repeating the same life lessons over and over again. We need to brave-up, woman-up or man-up (depending on your gender) and allow ourselves to feel it, live it, and stay with it, whatever ‘IT” might be. Only then can we gain a true understanding of “IT” and a chance to resolve “IT.”

We use clichés like “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” But instead of digging in and working hard, our society literally “gets going” and moves on to a new thing. We also go to our "happy place” to escape. Both strategies work for a while, but they focus our attention away from what’s bothering us and offer us no space for learning and no chance for reconciliation.

No doubt fully experiencing your feelings is uncomfortable. Most of us are wired to avoid pain. When I’m crying I want to stop crying, when I am in pain I want out of pain, when I am anxious, I want to stop being anxious but when I stop without accepting and understanding the root of those feeling, I am just putting a Bandaid on a leaky dam that will eventually break open again and again.

When I tried this myself I have to admit my symptoms did seem worse at first. I think that’s what stops us, we think we are making ourselves feel bad, but in reality the depth of our feelings were always there, we are just masters at masking them. Two things I know for sure about life “you can’t make people like you, they do or they don’t, and you can’t make yourself feel something, you do or you don’t.”

So the next time you have uncomfortable feelings, live with them, invite them to stay a little longer, each time increasing the time. Recognize them as your teacher and learn from them. You WILL feel uncomfortable, but you WILL survive, that I know for sure, too.

Finding Caren

I searched my entire life to discover “who I am.” Not the “who” everybody thinks I am, but the “who” that I know myself to be. Why is this question such a mystery to me? Do I really not know “who I am?”

I have chosen and played many roles in my life but the “real me” comes from a place deep inside myself where when I act from I feel perfectly aligned and my spirit soars.

I move effortlessly, joyfully not fighting my inner compass, letting its knowing wisdom guide my step. I relax and ride the gentle breezes that carry me in the direction of my heart. I celebrate myself by accepting and loving "who I am."

I found myself, see I'm right here.

We Can Learn Anything

I read an article years ago that inspired and left a lasting impression on me. It stated “WE CAN LEARN ANYTHING.” I questioned the hypothesis, but kept reading. It went on to say “we can learn anything if we are willing to spend the amount of time necessary to learn it.” The amount of time necessary varies widely based on an individual’s abilities and experience.

Interesting, could this explain why I dropped Chemistry and took Geology and Mineralogy, affectionately known at Ohio State as Rocks for Jocks? Identifying halite by licking it to check for saltiness, held far more appeal to me than memorizing the periodic table. I tried not to think about all those who had licked the rocks before me.

At times, I have resisted learning all together, especially about computers. When I had problems, I called my husband and he would solve them for me. The system worked great until he tired of my relentless demands forcing me to begin my twenty year computer learning journey (still in progress).

I am happy to report that my skills go way beyond the basic now, we joke that I am Tech Level II bordering on Tech Level III. I set up this blog, okay admittedly not that hard, but I also taught myself MS FrontPage using tutorials. It took a lot of time and several passes to complete. I’m not a quick learner, but I was willing to spend whatever time it took because I was developing a website for a business that I plan to launch soon that sells personalized, photo inspirations.

The idea that "WE CAN LEARN ANYTHING" is empowering. Whatever I haven’t "gotten a good handle on” yet just has not shown up on my radar screen as important enough for me to spend the time to master.

I like knowing that I haven’t missed anything, whatever I want to learn is waiting out there for me. All I have to do is decide that it is important to me, and then spend whatever time and resources it takes to learn it.

That puts ME in charge of what I know. That is power.