An Okay Addiction

I don’t do CRAZY. I have a low tolerance for that nasty, sick feeling I get in the pit in my stomach from it. Mostly, I manage to keep my distance, but part of my extended family is, well, addicted to drama….so sometimes it creeps in.

After reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, I have a better understanding of what causes drama filled lives. Eckhart talks about the “pain body” made up of a person’s unresolved hurts and accumulated emotional pain that is carried around with them effecting their thoughts and actions throughout their life (and not for the good I might add).

They choose to surround themselves with people who feed their “pain bodies” thus continuing the negative cycle and creating more DRAMA! It looks crazy to the outside world, why would anyone over and over again choose something that causes so much pain and chaos. But for those operating with an active “pain body” it’s all they know and it reinforces their beliefs about themselves and the world.

Breaking the cycle is not easy. It takes an awareness, desire, and commitment to learning how to lead a more inspired life. I’ve spent years on my own personal journey, read books that taught me new ways of seeing the world, and experienced the joy that comes from truly knowing yourself, rewarded with a peaceful, contented heart.

My life changed dramatically (pun intended). You could say I’m addicted to feeling good and self-love and I would say “I think that’s an okay addiction!”

Feeling Good

This week Oprah had program featuring Louise Hay. I have been a fan of hers for years. Some of you may remember the year I gave everyone in my family her book Meditations to Heal Your Life for Christmas. I think I handed out fifteen copies.

I imagine many got a chuckle after receiving my gift, that crazy Caren. But I have been a strong believer in the power of affirmations and positive thinking for most of my adult life and wanted to share something that had the power to change your thinking.

I was not always a positive thinker. I worked hard to achieve it. It was a two steps forward one step backward journey, but eventually I got there.

Louise Hay has a movie You Can Heal Your Life. I have not seen it yet, but plan to order it from Amazon.com ($15.96). It features Wayne Dyer, too and if you read my earlier post, reading his books was very influential in my thinking and my life.

On Oprah, Louise Hay talked about how our primary intention in life is to feel good. She suggested that our food and our thoughts are two components that we can control to contribute to feeling good in life. I am all about feeling good.

So, if I send those I love a movie or another book, don’t feel I think that “YOU” need it, I think we can ALL benefit from it, myself included. I still own my copy of Meditations to Heal Your Life.

Personal transformations can begin with something as small as reading this post or Louise Hay or Wayne Dyer and can end with a more powerful, positive, YOU!

Serendipitous Silence

I loved reading Worthwhile Magazine. It focused on discovering your purpose in life both personally and professionally. Worthwhile changed its name to Motto due to a legal battle over the name. I loved Motto, too. It shouted “what’s your motto?” What do you stand for?

Unfortunately, Motto wasn’t in business very long. When it folded Ode Magazine sent Motto subscribers a few issues of their magazine to check out. I wasn’t feeling a connection until the July/August issue arrived. It was completely dedicated to the subject of “silence.”

It had many insightful articles on “silence” including one on “One Square Inch of Silence,” in Washington State’s Olympic National Park, a subject of an earlier post of mine.

The Buddhist proverb seems to apply here “when the student is ready the teacher appears.” The "silence" issue spoke volumes to me. I thought about silence in new ways, like what it is like to hear dawn break, or how music is as much about the silences in between the notes as the notes, or how sometimes just being there matters more than anything that is said.

In silence, we ask for nothing and we need nothing, we are complete.

Fitness Confession

Okay, I’m going to confess something….I’m on ANOTHER quest to get “healthy” (it’s not politically correct these days to say lose weight that makes you sound vain and shallow).

I’m ending week three……I thought it was week four but that must have been the delirium from the white flour deprivation. I’ve been holding off telling you because I always hate people who are “getting healthy.” It reminds me of what I’m not doing, plus they’re so boring. They’ve given up everything I love and had in common with them.

Dear friends, don’t worry I haven’t given up my vino and I still guzzle Diet Pepsi. I’m not crazy for Pete sake. I’ve just added more protein, vegetables, and fiber to my diet. I must say I feel very satisfied and full most of the time. It sounds like a lie, but it’s true.

I’ve given up my candy-like protein bars for ones with 20 grams of protein that really fill me up. I’ve replaced bread with double fiber English muffins (containing 25% of my RDA of fiber). Believe it or not they actually taste good and are quite filling. Are you hearing a pattern here?

I can’t remember the last time I had a French fry. Okay, I lied it was on June 4 at 12:31pm at The Back Porch restaurant in Panama City Beach, Florida and it was delicious. I think my French fry days are over for a while anyway.

What prompted this change? I decided that I wanted to be able to look at myself in photos without wincing, a lofty goal, I know. A little known fact is that the older you get the more weight the camera puts on you. It’s not our fault, how can we fight that?

But don’t hate me or worry too much about me. We all know that “this too shall pass.” I’ve tried “fitness” in the past without much success, so the chances of this working are, well, “slim.”

If this proves not to be my answer, I plan to do a Google search on “posing in pictures to enhance your figure.” I think I’d better hop off right now and get that started. I’ve always found a two-pronged approach works best. Ta Ta!

Small Victories

Our lives are filled with more everyday moments than huge earth shattering events. But most of us don’t focus on the small gestures of kindness that make our lives feel abundant.

It can be as simple as a smile from a stranger, a sincere compliment, or just being helpful, these heartfelt gestures given without any expectation of something in return enhance the quality of our lives and the entire world.

We give and receive acts of abundance every day, but don’t always acknowledge their power. These small gifts make us feel like the road is rising to meet us carrying us in its arms to our destination like life is just a little bit easier.

Here are a few of my small victories.

1. Exchanging my glasses was easy. Sometimes it is hard for me to ask for what I need.
2. My hairstylist and I were “on the same page,” I love my new do.
3. A traffic light stayed green long enough for me to pass.
4. I got a second chance to connect with a friend who called me for moral support.
5. I had enought cash so that I didn’t have to stop at the ATM before heading out today.
6. I actually WANTED to go to the gym tonight.
7. I felt anchored in the present moment ALL DAY!

How about you? What small victories did you experience today?

Expect Great Things

Managing expectation….is it possible….is it necessary? So many times things don’t lived up to our imagined ideal leaving us feeling disappointed.

People say it is our expectations that get us into trouble. I think focusing too much attention on what doesn’t meet our expectations and not adequately celebrating what does is what negatively affects us.

This may sound lame, but last week I made this awesome shredded beef burrito. When I bit into it, I was rewarded with explosions of flavor that far exceeded my expectations. I consciously considered celebrating that wonderful moment, but going gonzo over a burrito, well seemed silly.
But it was more than the burrito, on some level I knew that. It was the joyful occurrence of something being what I expected or better.

So often we get fixated on what doesn’t meet our expectations (my eyeglass incident) or a million other things and we forget to get equally excited about what does rock our world.

The next time something turns out good, meeting or exceeding your expectations, no matter how insignificant, shout praises from the rooftops….okay maybe just do a little happy dance. But celebrate its occurrence and recognize its contribution to your well-being. Shower it with at least as much energy (more if you can) as the nagging missed expectations you obsess on like a dog protecting a bone.

Who knows, by fousing our attention on the good, we may find even more things in our lives to celebrate.

Wink Wink

I suck at picking out eyeglasses. I can’t see how they look on me (because I need glasses to see). I want them to be fashionable and reflect my own personal style (whatever that is), and they need to last a long time because I use them as a backup for my contact lenses. I’m asking for a lot aren’t I?

I was sure I’d picked out the perfect glasses, until they arrived.

Yikes, they were too wide for my face, my bifocal prescription didn’t work well in them, and they accentuated my droopy right eye by completely hiding one eyebrow making me look like a Cyclops. I’m not exaggerating. I was despondent. How could I have gone so wrong, and more importantly would I be living with this reminder of my incompetence for years to come?

I was reading a book on creativity and one of the exercises seemed perfect for my predicament. It suggested writing about a problem and exaggerating it all out of proportion (that’s where the Cyclops came from).

Pen poised, I began lamenting my woes. I wrote about being a Cyclops and the droopy eye thing, suggesting that we spend half of our day upside down to counteract the effects of gravity’s daily tug, and about how nothing could camouflage my freakish disfigurement.

I entertained the idea of plastic surgery to raise the brow up. I suggested destroying all mirrors, but then realized that I would probably still search out my reflection in spoons or in pools of water. Finally, I decided that we're all imperfect and hoped to leave it at that.

Doing this exercise did move me to a new place. Propelled into action, I propped open my droopy eye and telephoned my doctor pleading for a second chance at choosing glasses. He consented and took the hideous ones back, and I selected a new pair, which I’m hoping (fingers crossed) will be great.

I made sure that my new glasses would minimize the Cyclops effect by selecting a frame that showed as much of my droopy eyebrow as possible. But just in case, I made an appointment with a plastic surgeon for next month. It never hurts to keep your options open. Wink Wink!

AHA Moment

For years, I have proclaimed myself a non procrastinator. But lately there is evidence to the contrary. I’ve been avoiding finishing my website like the plague. I even started painting my walls (which I love and hate all at the same time) to avoid it. I dismissed my lack of action as “just not in the mood yet.”

But today, I figured out what’s stopping me.

My AHA moment came as a result of several things. One, something a friend said about her not being able to promote her own writing. I thought to myself “well if that keeps you from writing anything, you will never have to face that obstacle.” But I didn’t quite see how it applied to me…..until today.

Today when I asked myself again if I was going to work on the website I heard a quiet “probably not,” when I was hoping for a “sure let’s get cracking.” I started contemplating why my quiet “no” was winning. Answers didn’t immediately come, so I decided to listen on the computer to Oprah’s Soul Series for inspiration (sounds like procrastination, but it wasn't).

I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer talk about his book “Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life.” He remarked that in nature “No tree has branches fool enough to fight each other” and I thought “why am I fighting myself.”

Then I listened to part 3 of Eckhart Tolle on the Soul Series. He talked about the idea that getting comfortable with not knowing allows the knowing to come, and about surrendering our attachment to what an outcome should be.

Contemplating my friend’s statement, Wayne Dyer’s and Eckhart Tolles’ wisdom, I found myself firmly planted in the present moment and to my astonishment my answer came.

Like my friend, I had projected myself into the future thinking about how I would promote the website, what I would do next etc. That unknown seemed so huge that I unconsciously resisted finishing so that I would not have to face it.

It is amazing what can come when we focus on the present moment and accept the information it holds for us. Okay, my new awareness didn’t send me immediately to work on the website. But I had big plans to complete first, a refill for my favorite purple pen, then the website.

If you are still reading this, thanks for sticking it out through this longer than usual post, and best wishes for your own AHA moment.

Maybe Someday

I’ll have a terracotta tile floor” I say as I watch the kitchen makeover on HGTV. I admit I thrive on a fair amount of change and blossom when made over.

Let's start with my hair, constantly changing. It grows like a weed and experiences color changes as rapid as a chameleon except unlike a chameleon it stands out from its environment instead of blending in. My stylists love my boldness. For me it’s just hair, a renewable resource, why not try crazy. Sure I've gone too far a time or two. But if you never go too far, you'll never know what you're capable of. Are we still talking about hair?

Never been much of a blender myself. The only time I move with the herd is if it's going at a break neck speed with its hair on fire. Otherwise, I separate from the crowd and fly solo, gliding on the warm air currents in and out of the clouds, blazing my own path, at my own speed. Sometimes I do brave things that seem crazy like fly straight up in the air as far as I can, then flying full speed toward the ground pulling up at just the right moment to avoid disaster. Okay, I don’t actually do that, but I have seen humming birds do it, some kind of mating ritual or maybe their sugar water has fermented. But I do something that feels very similar.

I dive in head first, eyes wide open, multi-colored locks flowing in the breeze my splash creates. I talk about what excites me, what I care about. I don’t wait to have all the answers to share my enthusiasm. I take risks right out in the open. I fly straight up in the air for all to see and sometimes for good measure I fly full speed toward the ground drawing frightened stares from worried onlookers. At the last moment, I pull up and experiencing an incredible “roller coaster feeling" in my gut that reminds me I can soar.

My Own Personal Nirvana

Recently, I got caught up in my own expectations of how things should be and was trying to make things happen my way and temporarily lost the lesson of accepting “what is.” Instead I resisted and denied and in the process lost my opportunity to experience the present moment.

I am happy to report I am back on track having relearned yet another lesson. Relearning lessons seems to be a common, human experience. The good news is that with each relearned lesson comes a gift, a spark of insight that enriches our understanding of life.

When I can accept “what is” it centers me, I feel at one with the universe and I experience a peace and contentment unrivaled. No wonder I was so distraught when I lost it.

When I was resisting “what is” I felt powerless and out of control, like a stranger to myself. But when I stepped back and could see the part my resistance was playing, I was free to change it.

When I accept “what is” my world hums and sings out loud. I am right where I am suppose to be doing just what I am supposed to do, my own personal nirvana.

When the Going Gets Tough

Being able to accept discomfort without trying to escape it is good for us, especially if we want to stop repeating the same life lessons over and over again. We need to brave-up, woman-up or man-up (depending on your gender) and allow ourselves to feel it, live it, and stay with it, whatever ‘IT” might be. Only then can we gain a true understanding of “IT” and a chance to resolve “IT.”

We use clichés like “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” But instead of digging in and working hard, our society literally “gets going” and moves on to a new thing. We also go to our "happy place” to escape. Both strategies work for a while, but they focus our attention away from what’s bothering us and offer us no space for learning and no chance for reconciliation.

No doubt fully experiencing your feelings is uncomfortable. Most of us are wired to avoid pain. When I’m crying I want to stop crying, when I am in pain I want out of pain, when I am anxious, I want to stop being anxious but when I stop without accepting and understanding the root of those feeling, I am just putting a Bandaid on a leaky dam that will eventually break open again and again.

When I tried this myself I have to admit my symptoms did seem worse at first. I think that’s what stops us, we think we are making ourselves feel bad, but in reality the depth of our feelings were always there, we are just masters at masking them. Two things I know for sure about life “you can’t make people like you, they do or they don’t, and you can’t make yourself feel something, you do or you don’t.”

So the next time you have uncomfortable feelings, live with them, invite them to stay a little longer, each time increasing the time. Recognize them as your teacher and learn from them. You WILL feel uncomfortable, but you WILL survive, that I know for sure, too.

Revelation vs. Revolution

It amazes me how easy it is for some people to blame other people for all of their problems. How do they manage not to see that THEY are common denominator, THEY are the constant, THEY are the one determining their own outcomes.

When faced with challenges many people move on, run away. But when we run away without addressing our problems, they eventually catch up with us, dooming us to repeat the same lessons over and over again. Next time you're faced with a problem and you are thinking about moving on, try “moving in” instead.

Moving inward on a journey of self exploration. It requires finding inner stillness, what Eckhart Tolle refers to as your “listening space.” This inner space contains no judgment, expectation, or blame. It rewards you with abundance, awareness, and a light that allows your imperfect beauty to shine.

Sometimes when I wander a little too far off my spiritual path, I look inward and focus on the present moment and all it has to teach me and I quickly find my way back. There is no running away for me, I chose a revelation over a revolution every time.

Finding Caren

I searched my entire life to discover “who I am.” Not the “who” everybody thinks I am, but the “who” that I know myself to be. Why is this question such a mystery to me? Do I really not know “who I am?”

I have chosen and played many roles in my life but the “real me” comes from a place deep inside myself where when I act from I feel perfectly aligned and my spirit soars.

I move effortlessly, joyfully not fighting my inner compass, letting its knowing wisdom guide my step. I relax and ride the gentle breezes that carry me in the direction of my heart. I celebrate myself by accepting and loving "who I am."

I found myself, see I'm right here.

J.I.C. Just In Case

you were wondering, I have defeated the projection alarm clock. For two weeks it has worked continuously, so I am declaring victory. I bet you will all sleep just a little better tonight knowing that. Sweet Dreams!

Tip of the Iceberg

After reading The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, I was struck (like by a two-by-four in the head) by the discrepancy between how much the mothers and daughters in the novel thought they “knew” about each other, their lives, experiences, and motives compared to how little they actually did.

I started to wonder what I really “know.” I think we can “know” ourselves, but can we ever really “know” someone else?

We come to know ourselves through concerted effort and mountains of awareness and soul-searching. To get there we explore a chamber of our hearts rarely visited, our “feeling memories,” where the essence of “who we are” the real us lives, no edits, no omissions, no retouches.

To truly “know” another person would require accessing that place in them, and I doubt that is possible. What we end up “knowing” about another person is what we see with our eyes and interpret or what we are told. Even when the other person themselves does the telling, the picture is never complete, it comes in snippets, threads that we weave together to form our picture of them.

Next time I think that I “know” something, especially if on the surface it looks “black and white.” I will open my heart and remember that the colors are there, just beyond my view, and remind myself that what I'm seeing may just be the “tip of the iceberg.”